Poison!

I've officially poisoned our sweet little girl. This weekend, we gave Emily formula--twice, to make things worse! We decided to give her a bottle of formula once around lunch time and once before bed, just so I could keep up with her a little better. She seems to now be getting back into the habit of eating every 3 hours again, which has been a huge help for me. I've also seen an increase in my milk supply, so I can usually get a full 4 oz. feeding every time I pump now.

When we decided to introduce formula, my thought was that as long as I was still pumping as often, and Emily was still getting every drop of milk I can make, we're doing the right thing. That was until we tried to give her the bottle--she definitely knew the difference and did NOT want the formula at first! Of course, that made me feel like I was doing something wrong and I cried through the whole feeding. I talked to my sister in law, who told me the first time she gave my nephew formula, she felt like she was feeding him poison. I guess I'm not alone after all, and I feel like every other mother who just wants to do what's best for her baby.

Three More Weeks

Monday was Emily's scheduled appointment with Dr. Schrader, the orthopedic specialist. He wants her to wear the hip harness for another three weeks at least--at that point, she'll have another ultrasound and he'll decide what to do from there. He said he thought her hip probably wouldn't be perfect by then--it's still a little immature--but that he's optimistic that she won't be in the harness long.

He did say it's okay that we're taking the harness off of her once a day to give her a bath and change her clothes. He also said it's okay for her to lie on her side long enough for me to continue breastfeeding her. This was really important to me, because Emily has refused to nurse since she was put in the harness on June 16. I was really excited to give it a try when we got home yesterday--unfortunately, she started off strong, but after about 10 minutes, she pulled away crying and wouldn't keep going. Her little leg was kicking the whole time, so I can't help but think she just can't get in a comfortable position.

The inability to nurse her has made me even sadder about returning to work--that was our special time together each day, and I was looking forward to still having it in the morning and at night. Instead, I'm usually hooked up to the breast pump while Emily drinks from a bottle now :(. We'll keep trying it though, and hopefully she will remember how much she enjoyed it just a couple of weeks ago! If not, we did have those two wonderful months when it sometimes seemed like she nursed nonstop, and I'm really grateful for that.

13 Weeks Old: What's Happening

The biggest change we've noticed this week is that Emily is becoming quite skilled at grabbing things (blankets, burp cloths, or our shirts) and putting them in her mouth. She's even surprised herself and gotten a hold of a couple of toys, including a rattle that amused her for at least 20 minutes and made her forget she was hungry!

She is still fighting sleep, both during the day and at night, and for two people who would give almost anything to have some uninterrupted sleep, we're just baffled. Understandably, she prefers to sleep while being held, but we keep expecting her to become a more independent sleeper, and we continue to try putting her down almost every time she falls asleep. We get to a point though, where we feel like her sleeping is more important than where she's doing it, so sometimes we just end up holding her while she naps.

It seems like Emily gets more and more fond of bath time every night--that's the only time of the day she gets her hip harness off, so she stretches her legs and toes and kicks like crazy. She's quite the water splasher now, and I don't think we'll be able to contain her in the baby bathtub for much longer!

The first week back to work definitely had its ups and downs (more for Mick and me than for Emily). She is adjusting quickly to her grandma, and the biggest problem now is that Grandma never gets anything done for rocking the sweet girl!

Sleeping Update

We made some adjustments to the Woombie so Emily could still sleep in that with her harness on. She is now eating her bedtime bottle at about 7:30 pm each night, right after her bath. She'll go to sleep pretty easily after that, but normally takes a little while for me to be able to put her down--she wants to continue to be held! After she's in the bassinet (by around 8:30 pm), she sleeps great until about 1:30 am. At that point, she begins to wake up but seems to only want her pacifier. She immediately falls back to sleep once we give it to her--the problem is that she won't keep it in her mouth! So after one of us gets out of bed 6-8 times to replace the pacifier, we pick her up and put her in bed with us. After that, she sleeps fairly well until about 5:00 am. We've done this for the last several nights--I don't think it's a long term solution, but it seems to be the way we all get the most sleep right now.

Back to Work

Monday proved to be one of the most difficult days of my life--none of the preperatory classes we took got me ready to get up in the morning and leave this precious little bundle!

We had planned to transition Emily to bottles during the day at least over the weekend so we'd know what to expect when I went back to work; unfortunately, she has been refusing to breastfeed since about Thursday, after she was fitted in her harness. I don't think she can get in a good position, and I know how uncomfortable it must be for her to try. So the switch to bottles happened a little earlier than expected, and now she's eating 4 ounces with every feeding, and is wanting to eat every 2 hours! It makes me happy that our little girl has turned into such a piglet, but it worries me that I won't be able to keep up with her by pumping now. After only one day at work, we're halfway through my freezer stash (yes, now I realize I should have been storing milk a lot longer than I did), and it takes me at least two sessions at the pump to get enough milk for one feeding.

I've increased the number of times I'm pumping now, and hopefully will be able to increase my supply--I'm also planning on eating lots of oatmeal, which is said to boost milk volume as well. I sure didn't want to have to consider supplementing with formula this early, but I'm afraid we might soon be faced with that.

Happy Father's Day

Dear Daddy,

What an eventful first three months we've had! I hope you've been as happy with me so far as I have been with you. I love our early morning snuggle time and playing on the living room floor with you. I'm glad you let me share your recliner--it makes for the best naps while we're watching the Golf Channel! I'm still not sure I'll want to play golf with you rather than go shopping with Mama when I get bigger, but you can keep trying to convince me.

I'm sorry if it seems like I cry all the time--I'm not unhappy, I just don't know any other way to talk to you right now, so whenever I'm hungry or tired or just want to be cuddled, I cry. One day, you'll probably wish I would open up and talk to you and Mama a little more, so remember that when you're wanting me to be quiet now! Thank you for being patient and loving me no matter how much trouble I am.

I can tell how much you and Mama love each other, and how hard you work to make sure I'll have a good life. You took such good care of us when Mama was pregnant, and I know you'll keep doing that now that I'm here and an official part of the family. Now if we could only get those two big furry dogs to keep quiet when I'm napping, this would be the perfect place to live!

When I was growing in Mama's belly, I heard you talk to me and give me kisses all the time, and I couldn't wait to meet you. You have sure turned out to be just as cool as Mama told me you were, and I'm glad you're my Daddy.

Happy First Father's Day!
Love, Wiggles

12 Weeks Old: What's Happening

Probably the biggest change this week is that I've cried as much as I did immediately after Emily was born (which was a lot). I've spent more time away from her this week than I ever have before (the longest stint was 4 hours), in hopes that going away gradually would help make this easier. It hasn't. When I'm away from Emily, it feels like there's a part of me missing--after all, she has been with me everywhere I've gone for the past year! Mick commented the other day that for two people who used to have work as our first priority, we certainly have changed. He's so right--looking back, we probably often even neglected each other in order to work harder, or longer hours, and at the end of the day, we sometimes didn't have much left by the time we got home. One of the incredible things Emily has done for us is make us reprioritize, which we obviously desperately needed to do! Now, as I think about returning to work on Monday, I realize that I'd give up the great job that I've worked hard for in a heartbeat if I could stay with this sweet little angel we've created together. The only thing making this return to work a bit more bearable is the fact that I know Emily will be loved unconditionally by her grandma!

This week has been so hectic it seems that not much has changed developmentally with Emily. She is now laughing, which is the most adorable thing you've ever seen. She's becoming increasingly aware of her surroundings, and will usually fight sleep in order to stay awake and take everything in. This has become a little frustrating, since we're constantly worried that she isn't getting enough sleep. We're now learning to adjust everything around the harness she's wearing too--we were making some great breakthroughs with sleep, but she obviously can't wear the Woombie with the harness on, so she has had several very restless nights since Wednesday. By 2 or 3am most nights, I end up letting her sleep on my chest just so she'll finally rest. We're determined to figure something out though!

Emily seems to be reverting back to a very fussy stage in the last week or two. She was doing great for several weeks, but now seems to cry almost all the time. Sometimes she just doesn't like the position she's being held in, or she wants you to walk her around, or she's overtired and can't settle down on her own. She's also wanting to eat every two hours again, which makes me think she's going through a 3-month growth spurt. The fact that we're now upsetting every routine she had is surely not helping!

So it seems as if all I have to write this week is negative--and I didn't sit down with that in mind when I started this week's update! We continue to have wonderful days too, but of course, those aren't the ones we rack our brains trying to fix :).

Hip Update

Today was Emily's follow up ultrasound on her hips, and we had gotten such great news last time, I guess we sort of expected the same thing today. Unfortunately, it didn't go quite as planned--Emily's ultrasound showed that her left hip is still shallow, meaning the ball isn't as deep in the socket as they'd like. The bone doesn't move any more when the doctor applies pressure, which is a good thing; however, they measure the angle of the hip bones and look for 60 degrees or greater--her right hip is over 70, but her left hip is between 56-58. That's the same angle it was a month ago, so there wasn't the continued improvement we were hoping for.

The doctor has put Emily in a Pavlik Harness for what we hope will turn out to only be a month or two. She'll have checkups every two weeks, and ultrasounds every four weeks until her hip is where it needs to be. This thing actually looks a little like a medieval torture device--I'm quite sure it hurts me more to see her in it than it does for her to wear it. She fights really hard as it's being fastened on, and seems a little uncomfortable, but I'm sure she'll get used to it. It makes it very difficult to breastfeed, since she cannot lie on her side (she has to stay in this position with her legs apart at all times). I've held her in my lap with her legs straddling me and that works okay, but she's obviously not nearly as comfortable, and I really miss that snuggle time we had together. It's also very difficult to change her diapers because the harness is supposed to stay on all the time.

As easy as it is to complain about this and wish she didn't have to wear it, we know it could be so much worse, and we really are grateful that she has two beautiful little legs, and this will help her hip grow perfectly. We know it's the best thing we can do for her right now, so the inconvenience seems a small price to pay.

11 Weeks Old: What's Happening

I feel like every week I'm writing about how much Emily smiles and plays now, but it's more and more each day, and it's so much fun to interact with her. She loves mornings, and having her diaper changed. I'm not sure if she enjoys playing on the changing table or being naked more, but both seem to make her very happy. She's also in a great mood right after she wakes up, or right after she eats (as we all are, I guess). Sometimes she'll even stop nursing mid-way and look up at me and smile. It's enough to melt your heart :)!

This week, we've noticed that she's started sucking on her hands and fingers a lot more. She's trying hard to ger her entire fist into her mouth, and she's gotten pretty close a few times! We feel like she'll discover her thumb or a couple of favorite fingers soon, but for now she likes the whole hand. She's also starting to grab a lot (mostly our shirts or a blanket) and will put those in her mouth too. She's great at grabbing ahold of the pacifier and pulling it out of her mouth...she's not too skilled at putting it back in yet :). Luckily, although she sometimes wants the pacifier to help her fall asleep, she always spits it out when she goes to sleep and doesn't want it back (until 3am!).

Speaking of 3am, Emily is doing better at sleeping through the night, and we're trying our best to get a better routine down. She normally sleeps now until around 4or 5am, but we haven't been putting her in bed until late...last night, it was 11pm! She usually sleeps on one of us for a couple of hours until we put her in the bassinet.

This week is pretty sad for me since it was my last week at home alone with my sweet girl. Only one more week until I go back to work, and thankfully, my mom has agreed to come stay with us temporarily and keep Emily until I transition back to work. She'll be here with us next week, and Mick and I are both so relieved to know that Emily will be with someone who loves her!

Just like Daddy

Everyone has been saying how much Emily looks like Mick since she was born--I didn't really realize it until his mom recently brought me some of his baby pictures!

So the bassinet was worth it...

Some of you probably remember that we bought two bassinets before Emily was born. The first one was from a lady on craigslist--it was a bargain, but we both ended up hating it and we donated it at Babies 'R Us for a discount on a new one. We loved the new one, and had visions of our sweet baby coming home from the hospital and loving her bassinet. We had it set up by our bed, but shortly after we came home, we realized things weren't quite going to happen as we thought. Mick has a bad habit of destroying the box and packing material for things like this bassinet, so there was no hope of returning it, and we were certain it had been a waste of money.

This week, we decided to try the bassinet beside our bed, and it worked! I'm not posting a picture because we won't dare have a flash in her face and risk waking her up :). Every night seems to get a little easier, and she seems to sleep a little more soundly. Next step will be her crib!

10 Weeks Old: What's Happening

I've posted several times about how well Emily has been sleeping...but that's not the whole story. She's definitely not consistent yet. Last night, she only slept for 2 1/2 hours before waking up to eat--the night before, it was about 6 hours. So we never really know what to expect when we put her down at night, and we don't have a real routine. From what I've been reading though, it's not uncommon to not have a sleep routine at this age, and sometimes not until 3-6 months. Right now, we're just grateful for the nights when we have those long stretches of sleep!

I've also read that whether your baby is a night owl or a morning lark, that pattern will probably stay the same throughout childhood. Mick is thrilled about this, because he's an early morning person and is looking forward to spending that time with Emily as she gets older.

She's beginning to have much better control of her head, and enough to hold it up for short periods when she's sitting up. She's not terrific at pushing up with her arms just yet, but we're working on it. She's so curious about everything around her, I know it won't be long until she's doing baby push ups!

The other milestone this week--Emily laughed in her sleep! I can hardly wait until she does it while she's wide awake :).